New Year

On New Year's day me and my border collies drove west to start the year backpacking. The wind blew something fierce that first day. I was awful glad I had along some snow goggles to protect my eyes. We climbed a ridge and choose a campsite with a view of the forest across the valley, and the rock formations up and down the canyon. From there we watched the light change as night set in, and were waiting for the first sunlight to hit our rocks in the morning.

The hard climb to get up there, the wind and cold nights, all made it that much sweeter when the weather moderated the next day, and we were warmed by the midday sun. That is one of the benefits of wilderness travel. You learn to endure hardships, to be patient when the going is tough and the weather turns hard, knowing you will be there when the light changes and beauty appears that you never thought possible.

Anne Bradstreet explained what I am trying to say: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant, if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.'

A few days later I went out dancing on Saturday night, to be around people. I went alone, like I have every Saturday night since my divorce nearly five years ago.

I was leaning in the back against a wooden rail when I noticed a young lady up near the stage, on my side. She was tall and fit, had on a tight top, jeans, and western boots. Her blond hair was tied back and her face glowed with the kind of beauty that can make one's heart skip a beat, which is what mine did when she walked up and asked if I would like to dance. She surprised me, because I don't get asked to dance often. I held her hand as we walked to the dance floor.

We danced a triple step and a waltz. She was a skilled dancer, firm and responsive to my touch. She told me her name was Deanna, and that she hasnt done a waltz forever. I chatted with her some, then watched her walk into the crowd, wanting to remember this moment clearly.

Around midnight the band started up Folsom Prison Blues, which has a fast beat, and is one of the better songs to twostep to. I managed to find Deanna up at the front by the stage. Yes, she would dance she said when I asked, and I led her into a double time two step, which is a smooth dance and covers a lot of floor, but which takes more skill. I was thrilled she knew how to do it.

In times like that I become nearly invisible, which is fine with me. All everyone in the hall saw was her beauty and athleticism, moving to the music and my leads. I would turn with her, giving her some momentum before releasing her into a spin. Raising my arm and letting her go was a kind of like letting a lariat fly, because of her balance and the speed she turned. As she slowed I would step in and gather her into my arms again.

Could I have ever had a night like that, a dance like that, if I hadnt endured the sorrow of the end of a long marriage, but kept a strong heart, still going out, trying to learn to how to connect with new partners?

The deeper the sorrow the sweeter the joy that surrounds it, like the clouds clearing at the end of a storm, basking us in pure golden light for a few moments.

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Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it."
-- Anne De Lenclos

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)

Robert Frost:
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy.
Sarah Ban Breathnach

"The only cure for grief is action."
George Henry Lewes

Richard Wagner
Joy is not in things, it is in us.