My daughter called

My youngest daughter called and asked if we could drive to the ocean next summer. "I havent been on a real vacation in years," She said.

I told her that I can't afford it, that things are different when you keep a house on one income. "I just don't have much extra," I told her.

"But its been forever since I've seen the ocean," she said.

"Here is my answer," "Life is tough." "I don't go anywhere either, except backpacking and walking and riding my bicycle, and I am happy."

She asked if I would come up and visit her Sunday, on her day off. I told her I am in the middle of painting still, and I want to get it done before she and her sister come down at Christmas. "Just one more week," I said, "then I will either be finished or put it off for a while."

On this bus home I started thinking how my daughter must miss her Mom this Christmas, who has moved out of state. Although they sometimes had a rocky relationship, the girls love their mother, and might feel somewhat abandoned with her not around. Its never easy for kids to have their parents split up, even when adults. Whatever family life they had is gone forever. For us it was taking walks, going to plays or concerts downtown or vacations, which were usually my idea. I particularly liked it when they would ride their horses in the foothills and I would walk on the trail beside or in front of them. Just a little over five years ago we all visited Washington DC and the Smithsonian museums, the National Zoo, Vietnam Memorial, the Lincoln Monument in a rainstorm, and Arlington on a beautiful sunny afternoon.

Not long after that, when the girls moved with their Mom to a new house, they had a disagreement and my youngest daughter said she wanted to go home. She and her Mom showed up at my house at midnight, and both stayed, feeling secure in the house we had lived in since the girls were little. A solution like this was not possible when a tension developed for Mom’s affections between my daughter and Mom’s new boyfriend. This was a battle my daughter knew she was not going to win, and her behavior problems got worse and worse. It finally came to a head when she was not allowed to stay at her Mom’s house any more. I will never forget her sitting on the porch, locked out of the house, with her clothes piled around her.

Things got better for my daughter when she came to live with me. My life was simple enough that I was able to devote most of my attention to her, at a time when she really needed someone. It wasnt' easy, but we did fine together. We often would go down to the rec center on weekends and I would swim while she worked out. Then we would shoot baskets together. She introduced me to riding bicycles, a passion that remains with me now. I will never forget the spring rides we had, for many miles, downtown and along the river to her favorite mall, or to the zoo. She became slim and attractive from all the exercise, as she is now. My daughter worked hard to catch up with her schoolwork, and managed to graduate high school on time with her class. A Dad has never felt so proud as I did when I saw her walk up in her blue cap and gown to get her diploma.

I know that a parent's job is to lead their child towards independence. But that doesnt preclude spending time with them, talking to them, providing them some stability just by being interested in their lives.

When I get off at my stop I am going to call Amy, and tell her I can put off my painting this Sunday. I will come up and we can go to lunch and see a movie if she wants. Maybe we can take a walk with her dogs that she is so good to. I want to see the small Christmas tree she said she put up.

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Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.

John W Whitehead
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My heart is happy, my mind is free
I had a father who talked with me

Hilda Bigelow

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It is admirable for a man to take his son fishing, but there is a special place in heaven for the father who takes his daughter shopping.

John Sinor

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The smile of your child," he'd said, "is worth a hundred times your desire to be free, to see Peru, Colorado or Burma."

. . . . . . Sue Ellen Campbell, from "Bringing the Mountain Home"




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